Before you and your partner get married, it is wise to discuss certain topics and any unresolved issues between the two of you. One of the best ways to do this is with premarital counseling, and this allows you to determine if getting married is the best decision. You don’t want to be married for years and have to deal with bitter feelings and conflict from things that occurred before the marriage. In addition, you and your spouse should be on the same page when it comes to parenting, your religious beliefs, finances, sexuality, and other moral issues. Here are some things you must not ignore during premarital counseling.
Emotional Wounds from Your Past
Our childhood and teenage years shaped us in both good and bad ways. Before you get married, you need to discuss any trauma or other negative experiences from your childhood so that true healing can begin. If you grew up with perfectionist parents who always criticized you, you might be prone to doing the same thing to your spouse and future children. You want to enter marriage emotionally whole, not shattered in pieces.
If you want your marriage to have a strong religious foundation, then it is critical that you inquire about your partner’s beliefs. In addition, you should look for real evidence that this person’s actions and thoughts match what he says he believes. But even if the two of you are on the same page spiritually, there could be some differences. You might belong to a different denomination and you don’t care too much for how your spouse worships in his church. Or maybe you are more spiritually mature than your partner.
What About Children?
Another thing to discuss is if the two of you want children when you would like to start a family, and how many children you want to have. You might want a large family, but your spouse probably only wants two kids. Talk about your parenting philosophies and how it will affect the way you raise future children. Do you believe in a structured home with some flexibility? Is your partner against corporal punishment?
Another thing you should discuss is your views on sex within the marriage. How often would you like to have sex during the week, and ask your partner the same question. Are there any sex techniques that you would be uncomfortable with and if so, why? If you have had sexual partners or struggles with pornography in the past, mention it to your partner.
How You Will Handle In-Laws
In-laws are a part of marriage whether you like it or not. This is why you need to talk about the issue before getting married. If you and your partner’s mother don’t get along, how all of you will work on a plan to make things less stressful during times such as the holidays or family vacations. Discuss things you don’t like about your in-laws and your spouse can invite the in-laws to a few sessions so that the problems can be solved.
In conclusion, when you and your partner have an open discussion before marriage, your relationship will thrive.