Viewers across the nation watched through their fingers as “Big Ed” from 90 Day Fiancé recently told his partner, Rose, that he’d had a vasectomy and was unwilling and unable to have children. The reality star, who has been the source of a lot of internet buzz, was not met with a very positive response, as this conflict ultimately led to the end of their relationship.
Unfortunately, these kinds of situations are not limited to trending TV shows. Everyone comes into relationships with different backgrounds, different dreams, and different visions of what their future will look like. This means that even the happiest and healthiest of engaged couples can benefit from premarital counseling.
Here are 5 things we recommend working through with your fiancé before you get married:
- Expectations for your future
Everyone has expectations of what life with their future spouse will look like. These can be simple things, like who will mow the lawn, or who will manage the checkbook, or big-picture things, like how many kids you’d like to have or what your career will look like. Though you may know how your fiancé feels about these things, it’s important to work through them and make sure you’re on the same page.
Money is a very personal thing, and it is vital that you know what type of situation you’ll be entering into financially before you get married. You should discuss things like whether you’re going to share a joint bank account, whether you’d like to have a prenuptial agreement, and what your perspective is on spending money before you say I do.
- Personality differences
We’re all familiar with the saying “opposites attract,” but it is important to understand your partner’s perspective and the things they value differently than you in order to have a healthy marriage.
- Family-of-origin issues
Even the best of families can have some problems. It’s crucial to work through any issues you may have within your family so you don’t bring them into your marriage. Having a neutral party present to guide and mediate the conversation can help keep the discussion healthy and on track.
- Conflict resolution
Contrary to public belief, the best relationships aren’t free of conflict, they’re between two people who know how to resolve conflicts in a loving, mature, and generous way. Here at Stonebriar Counseling Associates, we teach the Ten Step Process that is guaranteed to help you resolve conflict better in your future marriage.
All of these topics can be very difficult and sensitive, and it helps to have some guidance along the way. Please contact us so we can connect you with an experienced counselor who can help you with these and many other discussions that can help you begin your marriage on a stable foundation, either in-person or virtually.